I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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