it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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