Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
