Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
