No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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