You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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