I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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