My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
