We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
