Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
