my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
