I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
