I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
