Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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