I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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