Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
