The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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