I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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