called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
