Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
