conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
