Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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