look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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