She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
