he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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