I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
