Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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