Pants 0. Shit 1.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize