I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
