when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize