don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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