jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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