her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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