Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
