Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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