you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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