Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
