You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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