Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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