She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
