he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
