Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
