With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
