Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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