I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
