First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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