Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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