I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
