im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
