Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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