I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
