I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize