If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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