To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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