maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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