got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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