How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
