I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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