This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
