Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
