Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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