I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
