Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
