its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
