Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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