So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
