Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
