yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
