remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
