Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
