I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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