id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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