yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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